Can I be your Memory?

7:03PM - useless stuff

i thought id write in xsickprincessx.

for no reason what so ever.

i like my other journal better... but i dont know why.

i neeeeeeeeeeeeeed something to do this summer. esp. when shane is in paris. ill be bored out of my mind.

my pool is now opened. yessssssssssss. ANYONE UP FOR SWIMMING??!!

god. i need a life. and a licence would help too...

Current mood: bored

5:21PM - goodbye xsickprincessx

new journal:  likexaxfuneralx

7:53PM - i never said goodbye

Current mood: bored

3:06AM - north port, florida

yeah so im in florida...woo.

basically corey and i have been hanging out a lot. we always get close on these trips to florida. its cool.

androo called me a half hour ago. (note that it is 3 oclock in the morning)it was cute. the funny thing is i dont mind at all. it kinda made my day.

holy crap... as of today shane and i have been dating nine months. and im here. and next month on this day shane will be in paris. not cool.

i went to the store today and made my mom buy 5000000 postcards. im trying to send them off today. itll be something to do... seeing how no one in this house can legally drive...

Current mood: tired

12:00AM - dont you want somebody to love... dont you need somebody to love

the wright brothers are satan.
i fucking hate airplanes. hate Hate HATE.

i hope the crew doesnt have too much fun without me. i hope their bored out of their minds. :D

i went to grab my good luck pendant that has a symbol on it that means in greek "good luck while traveling"

it fell down the vent.

im so extra scared..... you have no fucking idea. i was in complete tears a half hour ago...
I HATE AIR PLANES!!!!
hopefully that gets the point across.

HEY!!! leave ur address in a comment so i can send you a postacard... or email it to me...
xsickxxprincessx@yahoo.com

and yes... you really will get a postcard.

Current mood: distressed

5:35PM

haha!
i made this. im so proud... kinda. well, proud enough to share at least :D

Current mood: okay

3:12PM

yeah so...

i feel ive lost so many friends. most importantly matt, james, drew, and christa. i miss all four. i honestly do...

it makes me feel needy when i tell people i miss them. especially when they dont say it back.

but then. shanes friends, especially benny, make me feel so accepted. maybe because they accept everyone... i dont know.

im so confused.

summer is here... and i have a feeling im going to spend a lot of it kinda like... alone. shanes going to be in paris. im really going to miss him...

i want to be better friends with stacie. i think we'd get along pretty nice.

anyway, pittsburgh this weekend. florida wednesday until the 20th of june. shane leaves the 1st of july until sometime in august.

maybe summer isnt going to be that great.

Current mood: bored

11:55PM

11:16PM - i love stacie !!!

this is in response to stacies journal.....

I LOVE STACIE !!!!! <3

she makes me giggle. :)

yeah so stacie and i are the biggest losers on this earth.......

oh yeah theres one thing i have to say first..... okay so i was watching conan and the harry potter guy was on there.... yeah everyone knows how my elbow can bend backwards? WELL HIS DOES TOO!!!! and his celebrity crush was Brody from the Distillers and his favorite movie was FEAR AND LOATHING IN LAS VEGAS !!!!!

i thought that was pretty damn cool.

7:39PM - you only get what you deserve

today was a good day.

shane and i are once again okay. which makes me so happy. i dont know. maybe things will actually change for the better, because so far thats where we're headed.

its monday and my weekends full. how awesome.

i got a 78 on my english exam... i know its not the best grade and a lot of people would actually be dissapointed. but im not. and mixing that with the 90 i got on my book critiquing, makes me super happy.

the only down side of today was mollie. i feel so amazingly bad. :( i always want people to know that im here for them no matter what. but like today when mollie called she like spilled her heart and my mind just went blank. i enjoyed listening though and feeling like she knew she could talk to me.

mike blew his back tire running over a curb. i think that was the best part of today.
ugh.
i have to work tomorrow.

Current mood: content

7:26PM - slip n slide

Wild irishWhims (7:28:53 PM): i love you, mrs. pagnotta

haha. that made me laugh.

i called off work today. my manager was PISSED as hell...

slip n slides are fun as hell.
everyone should have a day this summer where they slip n slide with me. hahahahaha. that sounds so so wrong. but really... its crazy fun.

shane called me. i dont even know what to think anymore. he acted as if nothing happened. i cant tell if he just doesnt care or is just pretending...

im so excited for summer. like no one else.
i love summer. esp. in ohio... everyone else hates it or says its boring. i dont care. this will only be my second summer in gahanna.

woo.

Current mood: tired

9:07PM - i revived it

i deleted this thing for a total of like... 24 hours.

im an addict.

so lauren and mollie day wasnt all that exciting, which is my fault because i was all upset the entire time.

i dont think ive ever seen my dad more angry than he was yesterday. yesterday i can honestly say he hated my guts for the evening.

i always wanted shane to talk to me about what he feels... and he did yesterday. and id give anything for him to not have told me one thing yesterday.
it hurt so bad.

i went to work today and spent most of it with miss stacie. we went on break together. it was funny coz we were complaining how no one visits us anymore... and as we're walking back to the store who do we see? mathieu and rayna. apparently they visited us too. yay.
after work stacie and i got some chinease and went to see shrek 2. i liked it a lot.

woo.

Current mood: sad

9:45PM - my eye hurts

im pretty excited for this weekend... which is weird. because normally in these conditions id be expecting a pretty lame weekend...
one- because i wont see shane the entire weekend
two- i work 9-5 saturday and 10-6 sunday.

BUT!
tomorrow mollie and i are going to the junior sweatshirt meeting after school and then spending 'lauren and mollie time' afterwards. which im excited for.

then after i get off work saturday im going to erics house to hang out with him and kurt.
so.
this shouldnt be all that bad.

oh yeah... so apparently cassie span told shane to bring me to her graduation party. ugh. i wouldnt have anything against her if she didnt try to put a move on my shaneathon. but she did... therefore....
shes a dirty skank.

i dont know if i should go or not. i trust shane to not do anything with her if i decide to not go. but i dont trust her. but if i go... im stuck there for hours pretending i like the little slut. hpmh.

5:53PM - leather dye and grey skies

ookay well... so much for lauren and mollie day. :( sorry miss mollie. i hate XXI.
but at the same time. its not all that bad. or at least today wasnt.
i spent the first half of the day talking to the one and only brad. who promised me one of his breaks so we can go on one together... which wont ever happen because our schedules are so diffrent.....i got in trouble for talking to him too much. :( but hes so awesome.... and beautiful.

Current mood: peaceful

11:31PM - season central

work! work! work!
seems all i do anymore. i worked with miranda all night tonight. which made things better. she makes me laugh.

people visited me today! jamesy, alise, matthew, lt, mandi, josh, erica, mikey ((even though he was there to see miranda... it could still count!)) and i saw mr. chuck !! :)
visits make me happy.

i was reeeeeally happy to see jamesy. i hadnt seen him since spring break... i like TACKLED the poor kid.

adam palmore makes me laugh. it makes me happy that ive been hanging out with shanes friends a lot lately. i think i "mesh" them a little better. i dont know why but i feel more at ease. i dont feel like i have to be a better person or anything.

it feels nice to feel accepted. even if it IS with shanes friends... since it seems i cant have my own group of friends.

ummmm.
that is all?

Current mood: disappointed

11:42PM - can i be your memory?

okay. so. today was good...
i got paycheck number two! $220 for two weeks.
mhmmmmmm.
i talked to brad and che today too... this girl wanted me to work for her today so she could go to the blink/tbs show.
speaking of, let me just say i loath everyone that went. EBVERYONE.

jamesys birthday was yesterday....kinda. even though since i havent been to sleep yet its still today. at 12:00 mike mclean turned 18. we got along the entire night.. it was unusual but cool.

ha. a year ago from today (may 15th) was when matt wise and i started dating....

i went to his house for a bit. it was fun. im glad we're friends again.

sugarcults going to be on warped !!!!! :D

Current mood: happy

10:09PM - all alone agaaaaaaaain...

so
steve and i arent allowed talking anymore.
thats depressing. hes one of the only people there i really have long conversations with ((lol i think the LONG conversations part is the problem)) but really hes so great and now we arent allowed working in the same section.... hmph.

chuck came and visted me today! :)

mike mclean makes me soooooo mad. arrrg.

i wish shane was opinionated. not even that... because he HAS an opinion... its just he wont share it. i dunno why, but that bothers me.

im so hungry.
i hate working.

im so excited for friday... but all at once dead scared. because its all taking place at MY house. my dads not stupid and completely oblivious to his surroundings like shane and mikes parents are...

i hate everyone whos going to the blink 182/taking back sunday show.
let me repeate it for you
I HATE YOU

Current mood: hungry

5:21PM - YOURE the blade....

you guys are such back stabbers.


im done with you people. im not even going to say who... im just going to live like i did before i met them all. they obviously dont like me much, so why do they bother pretending?

im sick of being lied to by everyone.

Current mood: lonely

8:37PM - we were both 16 and it felt so right....

so yesterday like everyone (everyone = 10 people, lol) visited me at work. i felt so god damn special. :) thanks to everyone who came :)

today miss mollie came over. we walked to DQ to visit our very sick friend Mathieu. i felt so bad for him. *sigh* but what can ya do?

we met up with matt wise, kevin and these other two kids. we ended up coming back here to my house for the longest time. then kevin and the other two kids left and it was me matt n mollie.

all together today was fun.
haha. mollie got sun burnt. :P

Current mood: happy

12:31AM - but i should have known that you were a killer

i figured out something today.
when im nervous, lying, put into a situation i dont like, or if im really deep into thought... i twist my bottom lip. i dont ever do it in any other situation. just those. ive always done that. since i can remember... but i never really figured out why until tonight. like there are home videos of me from when i was like 3 and i was doing it then ((that would be of an example of "a situation i dont like." because sometimes i get camera shy)) just thought id let you know. :)

tonight started off with me shane puppy mike and tommy and adam. i saw mathieu going into work and talked to him for like a SECOND... i like jumped out of the car when i saw him walking to work. i dont know. i felt kinda stupid.

mikes house. i met this guy named peter whos just awesome. id definately want to hang out with him again. i fell asleep right on the couch next to where they were having band practice. i dont know how though. then shanes. then to jays. where i spent the rest of my evening there with the crew.

i spent almost the entire night with ashley pattee next to me. boy i missed her. we talked all night long. tony tappman was there too. which sorta caught me off guard. he was with courtney ratliff. we talked a little. and watched young frankenstine. and this other show. and then drew carey. i felt sorta outta place.

tonight was fun though.